My heart feels empty yet so full. It's empty because the cracks finally crept their way to the strings and glue holding the pieces together. Empty from goodbyes and missing the most important people in my life. Empty because it can't bare to hold more love when it's constantly taken and seized and stored away. It feels like my heart's been expanded and fed and nourished only to be exhaled of all good and comfort. I wish goodbyes and "see you laters" weren't so difficult; I wish emptiness and loneliness couldn't exist...
About 1.5 million heart attacks occur yearly in Americans, according to ehealthmd.com. Now, of those heart attacks, how many possess causes based on a broken or empty heart? Imagine it if you can. That sinking feeling from regret or shame...a tender pain from rejection or discouragement...a simple ache from sending your goodbyes or waving a sign of leaving. It's all so severe and literally heart-wrenching. And my heart can't take it any longer. My heart's been giving and giving and rejoicing in what those around me provide my life with. And yet, it continues to grow weaker with every last hug or tear shed or "I miss you." I could see myself having a heart attack based on this alone.
I envision a heart where only good pumps in and out of the arteries. A heart in which sadness and stress and pain move out of and dissolve away. Where heart ache and emptiness repair the broken walls based on love and care alone. Why can't this be me?
My heart, my heart grew so strong with so many children and adults surrounding me with love; with passion; with something real. So willing and ready to love are the ones I've realized can only fill me full again. They might not realize it, but their strengths and compassion and truth in themselves and others fill me to the brim myself. Without them, I am weak. With them, I feel the world. I want peace and ease and faith to lead their hearts and keep them whole. My heart beats empty but trying to force through.
