Skinned Knees.

I miss my childhood.

I miss the days that didn't matter, the sticky summer nights turning into the crisp fall days.

I miss the simplicity of love, compassion, and trust.

-And I miss the ease to regain those three without all the angst packaged with it.

I miss the ability to forgive and forget in a matter of 10 minutes and being shut in my bedroom.

I miss sun-kissed skin and chlorine-smelling hair pulled into a tight ponytail, pieces carelessly falling and dancing in the wind against me running.

I miss mindless chatter filling my days.

I miss pretending.

-And I miss the endless creativity to go along with it.

I miss games and skits and skipping.

I miss not having to worry about the following day, worry about what's already happened and can't be changed, worry about the future.

I miss bike rides to nowhere.

I miss laying in the grass, fingertips grazing the tips, a linger of yesterday's adventures.

I miss playing dress up.

I miss snack time and fun messes.

I miss scheduled naps.

I miss shrieking about nothing, running with only my spirit tagging along.

I miss building room forts and camping out in them all day.

I miss when boys had cooties.

I miss not having consequences.

-Or at least learning them the easy way.

I miss never understanding the significance of death and passing, losing and moving on.

I miss loving unconditionally and being loved in return with a simple hug.

I miss holding hands with my best friends forever.

I miss the impossibility of a broken heart.

-And miss when a broken heart only meant having to get rid of a raggedy stuffed animal.

I miss when lies and cheating didn't shatter honesty and loyalty.

I miss climbing up into my daddy's lap just because.

I miss being teased by my older, bigger brother.

-And him receiving the blame for whatever occurred.

I miss never having to look back; there was no regret, no shame, no guilt.

I miss thinking I still came from my mommy's tummy.

I miss sleepovers.

I miss having no barriers and allowing anyone and everyone in with a gracious heart.

I miss putting all faith in my toys and parents.

-And this is without the possibility of losing hope.

I miss being naive to the world around me, to the broken world waiting to consume me, to the broken people and society.

I miss not feeling complete sorrow, heartache and pain.

I miss love meaning hugging my mother when she's upset.

I miss my baby blanket.

I miss the words and feelings and emotions which use to flow from my mouth to anyone who would listen, without worrying what others might think and judge or ignore.

I miss thinking my prince charming will rescue me and we'll live happily ever after.

I miss crying simply because I broke my plastic bracelet, not because I failed another relationship or situation.

I miss it all.

I miss just....being...existing...living.

I miss my skinned knees.

What it means to me.

You've probably heard me talk of KCC more often than not. And if you haven't heard me speak of it, you probably don't spend enough time with me.

Korean Culture Camp, what is it? What does it mean? How's it different from any other summer camp? A former camper had asked me to send her a short blurb of how KCC distinguishes itself from any other camp and why for a speech she was working on. It's something I haven't ever truly put much thought into let alone written it out....I just knew what it was and how I felt towards it. I had to take a moment to consume all thinking around this idea and the way I see it. Why do we put so much stock and trust into this camp when the outside world might not understand it like we do...

First and foremost, we're a family. It's a bond you won't find anywhere else I can promise you this. Literally like super glue. Sometimes sticky and a mess but seals like a charm and without faltering. Above all else, trusting in its strength. These nine other counselors...endless amounts of Korean-American campers...they're in my life for good, forever. We're there as support and comfort, encouragement and strength. We understand one another in ways no one else could. An unexplainable bond. An unexplainable mutual love for one another. An unexplainable relationship to people I usually only see a few times a year. An unexplainable desire to fill my life with them.

We're a family because we answer with no questions asked. We'll drop anything at a call, text, email to be there when need be. We won't judge, call each other names or back stab. We're true, immensely loyal and brothers and sisters. Don't ask us to break this band because...we won't. We'll defend until the end. And unfortunately, we aren't always so quick to let just anyone in....into our family...into our hearts. Once you're "in," you're there for good.

KCC is also a place of comfort and acceptance. Adoption isn't easy. Growing through childhood and your teens is difficult enough but then to add a life of questioning and doubt and guilt because of an uncontrollable situation makes it unfair and an immense burden. Ask any one of the 45 campers and they'll agree. Ask any one of the nine other counselors and they'll agree. KCC serves as a medium to Korean-adopted children to better help their adjustment to growing up Korean-American...helping to solidify two completely different identities and cultures. We incorporate the Korean background...history, language, food, traditions, dance, music and crafts to create a heritage these campers can be proud of, to be able to identify and claim as their own while also possessing the American culture as the same. And we as counselors are there as real people to balance the struggles of truly defining oneself or coming to terms with adoption. There's no dividing line among any campers or counselors, nothing that can't be asked.

The camp isn't just a five-day, four-night summer stay away, it's a bridge to accepting yourself as a Korean-American adoptee and taking pride in your cultures. We're able to expose the campers to all areas of the Korean background while also serving as guides to help emotionally and mentally against what hurts us the most and what we're unable to always come to terms with.

I've found friendships and relationships with the campers, counselors and families...I've found myself again after growing up in the camp and then being asked back as a counselor...I've found the balancing side to what makes KCC complete...I've found what I had been searching for all my life...I've found true acceptance...I've found love...I've found one of the strongest friendships in my life through a 32 year old...I've found one of the most brilliant and enlightening characters in a 7 year old...I've found a complete love for nine young women who were stronger at 15, 16 and 17 than I ever was...I've found nine other people to wrap my life around...I've found a place I grew up in to call my own...I've found strength in 45 campers.

KCC -- You have my heart.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

http://on.fb.me/hFOATh (2010)

http://on.fb.me/f6T7oC (2009)