In and Out of Dreams.

I experienced yet another frightening dream last night. It's actually one that's occurred more than once, but this time I woke a little more anxious about it than previous dreams.

I had a dream I was losing all of my bottom row teeth. One by one, they were continuously falling out for no reason. I could simply pluck each one without effort and away it would surrender to my grasp. My dream Kim was scared and anxious from it, what was going on?! I didn't want to smile and kept trying to do everything in my power from anymore falling out. Alas, I could still feel the next one wiggling free by the touch of my tongue.

Ever have that dream? Not even the teeth falling out one. Just those ridiculous, sometimes heart-wrenching dreams that jolt you back to reality and leave you feeling more exhausted after waking. As of late, well, the past several months, I often wake up in slumber to find myself anxious and baring sweat everywhere on my body. At first I knew it was a reaction to my medication as a common side effect, but months later this still happening makes me think my dreams have captured my entire being during the R.E.M cycle. More often than not my dreams are so vivid and extreme it makes me so overwhelmed with what just happened. I can't decide if this is positive or not. Obviously it reveals I'm getting in some major deep sleep.

According to bellaonline.com, Deanna Joseph writes it's important to pay attention to how you feel during a dream or when a certain event occurs.

-Are you embarrassed about losing teeth? This may indicate a fear of failure, or you are worried about making a bad choice.

I'm more than embarrassed from what I remember. And in the real state of things, I always fear failure or disappointment or letting those in my life down. Is it more so true and of importance now? I think more than ever I fear disappointing my parents and family that I haven't found a job still. They've been nothing but supportive, encouraging and financially keeping me above ground for longer than necessary. I want my time to come to prove I can make my own. I'm trying, but maybe I fear I'm sinking with doubt. Pleasing others has always been more than important to me, sometimes too much that I overly concern myself with this task. Is it happening more now than usual? I suppose.

-Are you anxious about losing teeth? Any anxiety in dreams generally means there is something in real life that's also causing anxiety. Do you have anxiety about changes coming up? Are you fearful about making a wrong decision?

Again, this strikes the "getting a real job" and "finally growing up" portion spot on. The constant questioning and curious hits at, "How's the job search going? Have you had any bites or leads? Hang in there, the right job will show up. You're not the only one, it's OK. Have you tried this? Or tried doing this?" are all just plain concern, I know, but it's even more demanding and more pressure coming from every single person in my life. I am blessed for the care from others though. I think it's just catching up with me more after going at this for months. Are my falling teeth every bad decision I'm fearful of making?

Maybe none of this actually refers to my part in getting a job. Maybe it's something completely different, who knows. Maybe this is really calling even my subconcious to this fact. Should I take a look at other aspects of my being too?

If anything, I'd like to have a better understanding and interpretation of the so-very active and animated dreams I have. Why so ridiculous?! A few years back I found out I had a strange connection with the Alice in Wonderland novels and their writer Lewis Carrol. My mom had seen a documentary on the author and how he first envisioned Alice's adventures as she grew and shrank while the rest of the world continued around her. Maybe a large portion was LSD-envoked for Carroll, but he also dreamed these happenings to because he'd experienced them first-hand. Come to find out, I would dream for years of shrinking and growing and becoming more and more frightening of falling asleep every night. The feeling was unexplainable and more of apprehension than anything. I was plain scared. I guess they refer to this as "Alice in Wonderland syndrome" now. Weird, but makes sense to me years later.

This and last night's dream makes me consider whether our slumber thoughts and feelings and emotions hold truer and more meaning than what we imagine. Sometimes I really do wish I would have studied the psychology of dreaming and all those lucid perceptions they have. I think of the movie Inception too. What's reality to us? Are we simply planting ideas and thoughts from everyday life then? Are we lost in our own dream?

Maybe we're all simply walking around and going through the motions of life when in reality, we're only dreaming.

Let Life Decide.

Let me in.

Allow me to enter your world; let me expose you to the depths of my love. Allow my love to protect you without doubt, fear and questioning. Give me your all because I've given you mine. My heart is in your hands, jumping at you to take hold of it and never release. Bind yourself around me and all my being. I want to be that for you. My love is a shelter, a guidance from the dark. It's a fight against the unknown.

I want, desire all of you completely or nothing at all. Don't give me only half because I require you full. If you push, I pull. If you fight, I fight harder. I don't provide everything I am on a whim to only be let down and let go so please, don't barrier yourself between me and opening you up. Love is a challenge, a struggle and obstacle of all sorts. The winners are the ones who endure through the pain only to be stronger, closer and more connected than before. And I want that finish line with you right next to me.

You dig up my deepest fears, my deepest emotions, my deepest kept hidings. But I've succumbed to your unwavering force pulling me further along. I can't help but love you. Can't help but have you near. My heart speaks louder than my mind and gives more judgement on the book of love. You can't deny what your heart feels. I need you in my life for a reason, need you to fix me again. Show me the way, hold my hand and tell me you'll be by my side. I want to be there for you and catch you when you falter. Never do I release my entire being to someone in expectation of being taken advantage of or vulnerable to hurt. You make me want to scroll back the curtain and put the window up. I'm letting you see everything wanting even more for you to show me yours. We need each other only to rebuild together and mend our broken parts.

I won't break you, lead you to distrust. I'll prove to you the dedication I possess capable of lifting you up and surrounding you with loyalty. Just lend me your faith and care and you won't need to think twice again. I promise from now until forever. Please don't hurt me as I would never to you because you're becoming the half to my whole and strength to the weaknesses that have bogged me down entirely too long. My feet were dragging and you've picked me up again. We took the risk and now lend ourselves to fate in keeping us together and revealing our meeting in life wasn't just coincidence or in passing. Take this next step with me.

You have my heart now, everything I am. I give you me. Want you to be a part of me. And I hold you tighter only to be a part of you and be given what I know you can't let go. Help fix me again, a struggle I've given up on in finding myself. I'll help you too. Give me a chance and let love in.