Thankful.

So. It's been a while. A long while. As in almost an entire year long. I just re-read my post from the beginning of this year, and it almost sounds like a distant person writing. It's me, but I feel...different. Maybe it was the span of the year and maybe it was life's happenings. Whatever it might be, I feel different.

This long stint in blogging absence has no true reason. I'll admit, whether with life or pure laziness or lacking in muse, these are all excuses. Yet, here I am again and am pulling to try to flood this space with logical words and thoughts.

It's been an exciting year both personally but mainly for those in my life. It's also been a challenging year more than anything. I've experienced more defeat than triumph and had to unravel more of myself than I ever have before. I've been peeled down to the core and can only rebuild and create new skin. A challenging year is an understatement I'd say. It's been both hell and heaven.

I've finally discovered a passion more rewarding than (unfortunately) writing has ever been to me. I've taken small steps in discovering this, and it is coming full circle more and more with every passing month. Slowly but surely I have faith I will make it to the point in my life I am truly meant to be living and be. I've also been shaken of every fiber of my being and had to break down to nothing. To lift this part of me that's been dwelling for far too long and try to figure out a small reason as to why I am this and why it's always been like this. It's as if time had been frozen, and I was standing still...trudging through the pain and heartache and disaster I called myself. But alas, I'm slowly bouncing back from this and gaining strength here and there, bit by bit. Which brings me to the foundation of this post. Labeled appropriately with the most recent holiday passing. I am thankful. So thankful for the people in my life.

As successful and happy this year has made me, it's also been the hardest on me personally. It's been the hardest for some of my closest friends and confidants at the same time. And yet despite the challenges I was facing, these people managed to keep me afloat over anything. Over themselves. I am eternally grateful for the love and care and concern that surrounds my life. These people. My friends. My family. They are the ones who have helped me through my pains and given me hope. They're the ones who have pushed me to keep going and given me the strength I need. Especially in times when a lot of them have needed the same strength and courage. So many of them are stronger than I am so many of them are much better people than I could ever be. I've seen forgiveness from them, comfort, strength and encouragement. I feel selfish in the pain I've caused and in still needing that shoulder to lean on. But these people are still there after it all...and for this, I am thankful. They are all things good and genuine of the heart and soul. I pray for health and love and care and safety pour over them every day. They've been my shelter, and I always want to be the same for them in return. They make me want to be a better person and change. I thank them for standing up for me when many others would not...thankful they still had my back and exemplified their true merit as friends and family.

What amazing people I have in my life. Thank you, thank you to all those I love and have shown me love.

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