What's Mine to Give.

Slowly, the pieces finally fall securely into place.

Mind-crushing and harsh, do I realize the truth.

Why do I give myself so freely and often openly to anyone passing into my life? And why, so frequently that I do, seem to be crushed time and time again? I believe I care so much about people in general and continuously give myself to the ones I love because that’s all I have to offer. That’s all I can do without letting the fear of having no one seep through me and be gone for good. I give so much of myself to everyone I let in because I’ve been given up on before, by too many people in too many different portions of my life. And I fear losing what I’ve grasped so close to me. She gave me up for adoption. He broke my heart. They stole my trust. He gave up in us and ran away. He stole my heart that isn’t his to have. Those two used me. She couldn’t keep me.

I keep smiling because it’s all I can do from letting my own thoughts consume the good and steal away with the façade placed over my face. My heart is what holds me together and yet it so easily provides itself to every person walking in and out of my life, offering every bit of strength and compassion it possesses. More than not, I allow people to take those offerings and leave without reason…leave me to my own…leave because they can without strings attached. What about me and my heart.

Give without reason. Expect nothing in return. We as humans are called upon this task based on the word of the Lord. Only He places us where we should be, in what time frame, for the right reasons. He’s the one able to act selflessly for us with little given back. In ways, I expect close to nothing from many these days based on society alone. We’re only human in perspective and make these mistakes to stand corrected. I’m only human and know I am faulty in my thoughts and actions as well. Yet, my human heart starts to slow year after year, heartache after heartache because I concede for it to happen. It’s a tiring act and realization, for anyone.

My heart yearns for acceptance and compassion it might never receive. But I’ll keep loving. I’ll keep giving it to someone without caution because it’s all I can do. It’s all I have. I want to wrap its meaning and service around yours entirely, completely. Why? For someone else to get up and leave my life, changing lives and surroundings, people moving on with life? Yes, I’ll still do it…because very few have fully given themselves to me and it’s my purpose to give myself to others. We unconsciously crush ourselves with desires and lives surrounded with daily purpose but take little time to appreciate the ones serving us and providing the real meaning. What do you love? Who do you love? Let me in so I can show you. I’ll honestly give you everything I have just to make you happy, just to maintain your hold, simply for your love in return.